Series: The Power of a Committed Life
#3 "Fully Engaged with My Friends"
Various Scriptures
Jan 31, 2010
In our series, The Power of a Committed Life, we are talking about becoming fully engaged as Christians. What does it mean to be fully engaged? Simply stated: Being fully engaged means having God as the primary source of strength in my life. The foundational Bible verse for this series is 2 Chronicles 16:9, “The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those who hearts are fully committed to Him.”
We began this series talking about being fully engaged with God and last week we focused on being fully engaged with our church. Today we will discover that one of the ways God blesses our lives and strengthens us is through friendships and relationships with Godly people who help us become more like Jesus. God has created us to be relational, to be in relationship with Him and with one another.
Can you think of some songs that have the theme of friendship? “What a Friend We have in Jesus,” “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor, “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers, “You are the Wind Beneath My Wings,” “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, “My Best Friend” by Tim McGraw, and “Friends” by Michael W. Smith. We are created in God’s image and a part of that image is that we connect with one another. Now the opposite of relationship is loneliness. Being in right relationship with God leads into right relationships with one another. There is a direct correlation between the two relationships. From time to time we all experience temporary times of loneliness and that is when the “check engine’ light comes on warning us that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
It has always amazed me that with all the thousands of people around us that we can still feel all alone. This is due in part to our culture here in the Northeast. When we first moved here from Kentucky, I was amazed that you could walk right past people and not speak, not make eye contact nor even acknowledge their existence. I found myself falling into that same mindset and was determined to nod and say ‘hello’ when I passed people on the sidewalk. It was amazing how difficult it was to simply say ‘hello’ to someone who wasn’t interested. The majority of the time, they continued on ignoring me completely.
The Bible talks about koinonia, which is a Greek word for fellowship. As a mobile society so many people move away from home, family, and friends and often simply stay to themselves. That works until some tragedy strikes and the bottom falls out. The result is that there is no one to lean on, no support group, no one to turn to for advice, help, wisdom and comfort. Proverbs 27:10 says, “Never abandoned a friend, either yours or your fathers. Then in your time of need, you won’t have to ask your relatives for assistance. It is better to go to a neighbor than to a relative who lives far away.” In other words, we need a support network of friends, of people who can help us grow in our faith, who would encourage us, and be Jesus to us.
This morning we are going to look at 5 actions to fully engage my friends.
1. First, put yourself in a position to meet people. The old saying carries a lot of truth: “To have friends, be a friend.” One of the purposes of the body of Christ, the Church, is to be a place where friendships are made. This is one of the most important reasons why we have small groups at SUMC and one of the reasons why I require attending a New Members class to join SUMC. People enrich your life. Now, there are some who are jerks, even in the church (present company excluded of course)! Sometimes we find 3 or 4 close friends and we close the door on anyone else. We are comfortable with those 4 and don’t want any more! Years ago I had a pastor friend that I would travel with to district/conference meetings. He didn’t like me talking to other pastors that I knew and hadn’t seen for months. New people enlarge our worlds, stretch us intellectually and emotionally, give us new perspectives, and cause us to grow especially in our walk with Christ. Small groups in our church can help you grow in your faith. You can learn so much from each other and you never stop learning the depth of God’s Word while at the same time making friends with God’s people. You won’t connect with everyone. If you attend a group and they are all weird, then try another small group or CALL class. Committing to a small group Bible study is not a really huge commitment especially when you compare the rewards of growing in Christ and making new friends. You can meet some great people in small groups that become lifelong friends. Michael W. Smith sings it well, “And a friend’s a friend forever when the Lord’s the Lord of them.”
2. Second, provide encouragement. There are 2 types of people. There are those who add value to your life. When you are with them they motivate you, make you feel better about yourself, challenge you to become better. Then there are the joy-suckers who suck the life right out of you. The latch onto you and leech from you everything you’ve got—money, time, emotional strength and they drain you. There are givers and there are takers, encouragers and discouragers.
Which are you? In Acts 4:36 we read about a man named Joseph who was such an encourager that people gave him a nickname, Barnabas which means ‘son of encouragement.’ One time he sold a piece of land and brought the money to the church and told the apostles to use it to help those in need. When Paul left on his first missionary journey, he tapped Barnabas to go along with him because he was such an encourager. God wants us to be like Barnabas and be encouragers of one another.
There are 3 ways we can encourage one another. The first is through our words. Words can hurt or heal, discourage or encourage, build people up or tear them down. Jesus said, “I tell you this. You must give account on judgement day for every idle word you speak. The words you say now reflect your faith and you will either be justified in them or you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:36-37) Jesus knew that the words we speak come from the overflow of our hearts. Nothing comes out of your mouth that is not in your heart already. Is your heart a septic tank or a well?
The second are acts of kindness—something as simple as a card or note, an invitation to dinner, a Wawa gift card, getting them a cup of coffee, paying for lunch, etc. Doing something unexpected when they haven’t asked for it!
The third way to encourage someone is to just listen. Being there to listen when a friend needs to talk. Really taking the time, stopping what you are doing and giving that friend your undivided attention. Nothing says you care more than listening.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 reads, “So encourage each other and build each other up just as you are doing.” Be a Barnabas and fulfill God’s will for your life.
3. The 3rd action you can take to engage your friends is to play together. Having fun together. James Howell once said, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” (Proverbs [1659]) Did you know that Christians can have fun? And I think more fun than pagans have! How do we connect with one another? Truly women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Women connect to others through words, verbal communication. The have conversation and discussions. Guys connect through shared activities. They golf together. They watch football. They go hiking or skiing. They play tennis or racquetball. They stalk the woods for big game. So what does this say about those of us who are married? Guys, talk to your wives and gals join your husbands in an activity (not shopping!). Ecclesiastes 8:15 says, “So I recommend having fun because there is nothing better for people to do in this world but to eat, drink, and enjoy life. And that way, they will experience some happiness along with the hard work that God gives them.”
4. The fourth action we can do to engage our friends is to pray for them—by name. And to pray for specifics in their lives. To do this you have to know them. What issues are they facing? What temptations defeat them? What are they struggling with and what decisions confront them? Or just simply pray asking God to bless them, to strengthen their walk with Jesus, to energize their family, to give them wisdom in their jobs.
Two things will happen when you pray. The Bible promises that God will hear your prayer. I can’t explain it, but when you pray God’s presence and strength will come to bear in that situation. The Bible teaches us that prayer makes a difference in both the pray-ee and the pray-er! Prayer makes a difference in the one for whom we pray and makes a difference in we who pray as well. The Apostle Paul was constantly praying for his friends. As you read his letters you discover how much he cared for and prayed for them. For example, Romans 1:9, “God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night, I bring you and your needs in prayer to God.”
5. And that leads us to the fifth way to engage our friends and that is—be aware of opportunities to talk about God. An older gentleman told me one time, “My religion is a private matter.” And instantly I knew that he had no understanding of what it meant to be a Christian even though he claimed to be one. Our faith and relationship to God is very personal but it is never to be private. Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of me before me, I will be ashamed of you before the Father.” A fully engaged Christian is concerned about the eternity destiny of their friends, that there is a hell to shun and a heaven to gain. This is not easy. It is intimidating and can be extremely frightening. But if they are you friends they will already know you are a Christian by how you live, talk, act, and react. If they don’t, then you had better check to see where Jesus is in your life. Maybe you have him locked in the closet or maybe he left!
Anyway, if you are aware, your friend will give you openings to talk about spiritual things. It may be in a casual conversation, perhaps a difficult decision, some kind of illness, or tragedy, or death. Now, I am not talking about jamming Jesus down their throats or even Bible-thumping. I am not talking about being obnoxious or being judgemental. I am talking about loving your friends enough to look for natural opportunities to be Jesus to them. Your friends will not care about what you know until they know how much you care!
How many here are perfect? Just a couple folks!! Friends do not want you to be perfect, but they do want you to be real and genuine. They already know you as a good friend so they are much more open to ask you questions or ask you to pray for them.
It was Peter who wrote (1 Peter 3:15-16), “If you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it, but you must do this in a gentle and respectful way.” If your friend had cancer, and you had the cure, would you tell them about it?
In John 15:12-13 Jesus said, “I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. And here is how to measure it. The greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends.”